Stop all those annoying sales calls, forward your phone

So I was trying to get a hold of my daughter the other night and as usual she was not answering her phone. This is fine, her and I have worked out this communication method where we don’t even leave messages anymore. It’s simple, if we want to get a hold of each other, we just leave a missed call and the other will get back. This usually works fine but I needed to speak with my daughter that night and her phone was off, so no missed call. Very rarely do I do this but I had to call her boyfriend and try and get her on the phone. The strangest thing happened.

When I dialed his number (or actually just hit call after searching the number on my phone), I had a strange experience. Some guy answered with the typical bar and grill greeting which is the name of the place followed by…. you guessed it, bar and grill. So I thought it was one of his buddies playing a game with me and I played like I didn’t hear his greeting and just asked for him by name (names will remain covert here to protect the guilty). Well the person on the other end of the phone said something like what… who or Josh? Still thinking this was some juvenile attempt at being funny I simply replied, no and the name again. The voice then said, “Oh yea that guy,” and put the phone down. I waited for someone to pick up the phone but no one ever came. I grew frustrated and hung up. I found out later that for some odd reason, his phone arbitrarily forwards ( I shit you not) to this bar and grill back in his home town every once in a while and he still does not know why. So I got to thinking and decided that this was absolutely brilliant.

So to stop all those annoying sales calls, forward your phone to some annoying bar and grill or Indian call center, or better yet some gay 900 # and see how long they keep calling. See he still received a missed call from me so he knew I called him and there is always texting so you can let your friends know that your phone is experiencing some weird anomaly which is out of your control and for them to text you for the next week. I mean come on you know we all text way more than we call anyway.

So another nasty sales call bites the dust and your get taken off the list for good; considered a bad number. What a great idea for getting around the useless do not call list that the government said was supposed to work.

Wow, how much time does the President have?

“President Obama sure can pick ‘em – at least as far as NCAA brackets are concerned.While most Americans and even so-called experts saw their brackets busted in the opening rounds of the college basketball tournament, Obama fared surprisingly well. He ranks in the 98th percentile in ESPN’s “Tournament Challenge,” with 460 out of a possible 640 points.

Ok so what concerns me the most about this quote is not that he does a bracket, heck I did mine in 2 minutes. It is probably why I am ranked in 982,388th place, but how could he possibly be doing well without watching a bunch of games during the regular season? I am sure glad our President is focused on the NCAA men’s basketball season. I mean I may watch a handful of games during the year and all I do is run my own business. I am not an workaholic either. The President runs the whole country and yet he is as educated on the best teams in NCAA men’s basketball as 98% of the rest of the country. He sure knows how to pick em. How can this be? Maybe he has a crackpot research team on the job, now there is a great use of taxpayer money.

Why is it that we constantly except the fact that the President has taken on the most incredible responsibility in the world and he works at it as if we were the third executive producer on some tent-pole feature? Usually that is the person who is a brother-in-law of the star and is getting a nice credit for being connected.

So here we have a President who is finding time to make sure he is knowledgeable about March Madness. I’m sorry I just thought becoming President meant you gave up a few things for that time frame. It doesn’t seem so with this President. It seems is golf outings and vacations have actually increased with his new status. It’s OK though because if anything goes wrong he can just blame Bush.

Basic Math

So I must admit I was one of the bamboozled by the we are not interested in Peyton Manning, we have an offer on the table for Alex Smith comments on March 7th, by the Niners front office. My father who we affectionately call “Pops” had evidently called it the whole way. He is the one that alerted me that Smith and Manning had the same agent or at least they did. We are not hearing rumors that Alex is about to fire Tom Condon as he felt used over what is going on with the Manning negotiations. However, all of the comes down to basic math and if we apply the principles of arithmetic, we will see that it is a done deal, Manning is coming to the Bay Area.

First of all Moss is signed amidst not too much fan fare. While everyone else in and around the league is clamoring about Peyton’s destination and who just might have the inside track to that acquisition, Trent Baalke is quietly laying the ground work for what will become the supporting cast that will ultimately attract the Hall of Fame QB. As if this alone wasn’t exciting enough for the faithful the addition continued.

First there was the solidifying of the best defense in the league and once that was done the information started to surface about just how serious the Niners were about pursuing Manning and the more that the story evolves, the more we can see this was a thoroughly thought out and well defined strategy and one that will go down as one of the top five off season, free agent maneuvers since it’s (free agency) inception.

In the last two days, however, the real juicy stuff has been emerging and for those of us who love conspiracy and rumor, it hasn’t been this good in the Niner camp since we were about to hire Harbaugh himself.  As I said above, we are hearing rumors of Alex firing his agent as he felt used and he is off to Miami to visit with the Dolphins. This means that if Alex signs with the Dolphins and Manning goes elsewhere, The Niners would be left without a starting quarterback. Now can anyone imagine for one second that Baalke would ever let this scenario be even a remote possibility? If he did then I am applying for San Francisco’s GM job tomorrow because that would be the dumbest mistake since the Herschel Walker trade.

Of course this is not going to happen but you have Clayton and Schefter of ESPN actually presenting this as a possibility. Then you have Gore commenting on the situation, “He’s a Hall of Famer, first ballot, that’s all I got to say,” Gore said. “He’s one of the best ever to play the game.” I don’t know about you but it sounds to me like Smith is on his way out and for anyone who is upset with the Niners about that, well that is a whole different article but be rest assured if this is happening it is because Baalke has planned it that way.

Now we are have what I consider to be the final piece of the puzzle, Mario Manningham. Mario had two of the key catches coming down the stretch in the payoffs and the winning catch in the Super Bowl. I know the Niners needed receivers but now we have an arsenal. Now we can use guys like Crabtree, Hastings and Bogan as possession receivers as well as an occasional deep threat with Moss and Manningham to have at it with Manning at the helm.

But I can’t believe what I am hearing on ESPN. John Clayton actually said, and I paraphrase, there are 3 teams with great reasons for Peyton to consider and I don’t know which one, I don’t even thinks he knows at this point. They he went on to say, in affect, the Broncos have John Elway, the Titans have sentimental value and the Niners have the opportunity to win a Super Bowl, I shit you not.

This deal is so done and in hind sight has been done for a while. I bet Manning may have even played a role in suggesting the receivers the Niners should go after via Mr. Condon.So as a once great Niner once said, “Get your popcorn ready.” and get your pickem teams set, this is going to be a wild ride.

Embarrassing

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up: fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman… and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.” The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”

“No,” the boy said, “He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Obama re-elected, but it is just too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids.”

Dipsticks in DC!

GARFIELD ON THE OIL CRISIS

A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there’s a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn’t know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.

Our OIL is located in: Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Coastal Alabama, Coastal Mississippi, Coastal Texas, North Dakota, Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, and Texas.

…but our dipsticks are located in DC

Any Questions?

NO? Didn’t think So.